Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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