He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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