It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sext me about skeletons
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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