# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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