her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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