one word: firstdatebathroomanal
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
