No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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