You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
