the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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