I can text with my tongue
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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