that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
