every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
