Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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