Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
