i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
