Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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