Michael Bay diarrhea
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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