I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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