Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
