Jerry, you need to find god
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sext me about skeletons
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
