Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
