you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
