he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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