She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
