At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize