ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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