Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
