Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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