we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
