Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
