mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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