he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
