if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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