Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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