i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
