She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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