i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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