I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
