saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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