wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
