Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
