it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
