Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
