He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
