hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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