i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the day after is always just damage control
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
