ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
