I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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