'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
