I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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