Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize