u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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