Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a hot homeless man
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
