My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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