He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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