woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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