we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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