Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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