am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
