: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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