I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
