Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
