dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
