You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
