I puked a lego.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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