haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
