it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
