there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
