so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
